nebulia | Oh. My. Cow pies.

Has anyone out there who might be reading this ever had to turn down someone?

Tonight, Mustang informed me--in a note--that he had a "crush" (his word) on me.

Mustang's cool, a sophomore, funny, wears neat square glasses, is definitely what could be termed fat but is not unattractive--just there, tends to overreact to some things, but I do like him--he's a good friend. But that's all.

I talked to Chibi about it, told her I didn't like him like that and I had no idea what to say to him. I mean, this is the first tiem a guy has actually said he likes me. All of my friends ask me for guy advice, but the truth is, I'm totally clueless. I mean, the last boyfriend I had was first grade, and they ask me for advice? Well, suddenly I'm asking them, and the truth is, it kinda feels good to not be the one everyon turns to for facts and advice. Chibi said to tell him what I told her, and then asked me, "So you like anyone else?"

No. I am sadly celibate even in my own mind. I told her so, and that I wasn't really looking for a relationship right now--the truth is, I don't know if I'm ready for it. I mean, I'm fairly mature (when I want to be), but not in that sense. She said just to tell him that, but...when he asked me...I just told him--like I told him when he first approached me--that I still needed time to think.

But I don't want to leave him hanging; I mean, it's not like it takes that long to decide whether or not you like a guy. So I have to tell him tomorrow.

I definitely don't want to be in possible romantic relationship with him, and definitely not right now. But I don't want to tell him no; I can't imagine him overreacting about that (because usually it's more of a guilt complex thing) but still. No one likes being rejected, and I still like him. I don't want him to be uncomfotable around me.

Tomorrow I talk to Godbrother for a guy's (though just as inexperienced as I am) point of view. And maybe Bert, too. And definitely MBF and HLBF.

I have to say, though, it feels kind of good. I mean, knowing I'm liked. Even though I don't like him back, it's a bit of a confidence booster.

It's just...for the first time in a very, very long time, I have absolutely no clue at all what to do.

nebulia out.