it snows nine months of the year and hails the other three

So I saw CT today.

She says I'm making progress, even though I'm as miserable as ever. She says now that I'm starting to feel my emotions I'm gonna feel like shit, but I also feel myself growing more cynical and bitter by the day. And I still feel empty, too, just more miserably so.

I still don't know if I can come out of this by myself. I still feel broken, I still feel messed up, and sometimes I'm not even sure I want to get out of it. I don't know why that is. It's just...sometimes I feel almost safe here. Which might make sense. Safe in my misery, though...Gah, I'm waaaay too emo for my liking right now.

Fuck.

nebulia out.

Broken Angels III: I am totally all for Shizuki/Sunao. Totally.

Also bought The Will of the Empress, by Tomora Pierce. HypocondriacAunt gave me A Voice in the WInd by Francine Rivers a while back, and I'm reading it so Pierce's book doesn't end. But it is very good as well; Rivers is the only Christian author I know who writes decen Christian fiction. Most Christian fiction is a bad religius romance novel without the sex. And since we read romance novels for the sex, it sucks.

Bang!YouAreDead finally gave me back my quote book. Yay!

Visited CoolTherapist today, but today was one of those days where I wonder why I need CT. I mean, it was such a good day.

Play practice tonight was pretty fun; it was a good time.

nebulia out.

GUESS WHO DID SOMETHING AMAZING TONIGHT!

That's right, I got a 1.30.11 on my 100 Breast! 12 hundredths of a second to go and I am at my time for the season! YAY!

In other news, next week's against Archenemy!School and our old JV is now Head Coach there. Which means we have to nail his ass. This means me swimming 100 Breast (and getting a 1.29)and the 500 (and getting a 7.00), GermanPickle swimming the 500 and getting a 7.30, and flutist swimming the 500 and getting a 6.30. *crosses fingers*

We're gonna kick AE!S's butt. Regardless of school/archenemy politics, we have to defeat our old coah, who left us. *sad face*

In other news...was supposed to have a meeting with CoolTherapist today. Unfortunately, it didn't work out. CT just switched practices--the old one closed--and so now instead of being three minutes from school and four from home I'm like 15 minutes away. Maman wrote out directions for me, but she missed a turn and I ended up going downtown. When I realized I was downtown, I inexplicably began to cry.

It was the oddest thing. I think it was just that today was a hard day. I went to bed early last night, but Maman didn't get home till eleven and Toby and Molly peed all over everything. Then this morning the milk began leaking for some reason and I didn't notice; consequently I got chewed out for two things this morning. And then the press for The Laramie Project is still going on, and the school board meeting was last night, so it was all over school today and fucking irritating. And I had a AP Euro test, which, depsite the fact that in every history test I've had in European history I've gotten over a 100, still stresses me out, and, then, in ELP, I found out I had to sacrifice my Wednesday afternoons for mentoring. Wednesdays are my day; I'm out at 1:12 and then all I've got in swimming and sometimes Youth Group, and this was a very long run-on sentence. I want to mentor, but it would be nice to do it at 1:15, not 2:15. But it looks like that'll have to wait until Thanksgiving. And on top of it all, I'm PMSing. So it was just the little things building up, I guess.

*sigh*

So that was my day. I think I may have had a breakdown if I hadn't done well on my breaststroke, I was so emotionally raw today. But it made everything better, so I'm all good. *g*

In other other news, Maman got baby gates for the dogs so now they're not shitting in the living room or eating my phone chargers. Yay!

It's also been this perfect fall chilly that I absolutely adore, the kind where people light fires and it's warm enough (though not really warm) to have your window open but if you're in a cozy sweatshirt or have a down comforter, it's perfect. I'm in love, I hope it never gets warmer.

And does anyone else's "Update Journal" button at the bottom of their post journal page say "Update Captain's Log?" It's kinda weirdin' me out.

And I started a new story I'm really excited about! So, yay!

Mmmm...yep.

quote of the post: "somewhere, beyond the sea/ somewhere, waiting for me/ my lover stands on golden sands/ and watches the ships..." --if you don't know this song you're sadly deprived.

nebulia out.