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nebuliaMy mother is pissed. Auntie is pissed. Auntie tells my mother everything I fucking do when I'm alone, and that pisses me off, and this is the last fucking straw!
Toby was chewing on the extension cords in my room so I gave him various objects of my person--an old toothbrush, an old wallet, a broken stereo cord, my comb (which I don't use; I use hairbrushes (and combs wash anyway, it's), so it's not really a problem, but still) to chew on. He also attempted to chew on my old security blanket (which resides in a Place of Honor across the back of my futon) and did chew on another blanket of mine, one of those two-sided fleece ones that I love and that my aunt (not Auntie, Maman's brother's wife) made.
But, as you well know, my room is still in a slight shambles as I'm constantly moving stuff in and out, and there are a few wrappers on the ground. And as I am a gum addict, the gum wrappers were in the trash, but they manage to scatter as my trash lacks a lid. And there was an unchewed piece of Stride--and Toby got ahold of it. Naturally, it was while Auntie was in the room. Gum is Not Good for dogs, and she wigged out mildly at me. She also got pissed that she found a hershey bar wrapper--devoid of chocolate-- next to my trash can, which needs to be emptied and lacks a fucking lid! I empty my trash every day at the end of the day, so that's when I pick up what scatters out with the breeze.
It doesn't particularily bother me that she wigged--Auntie's overly in love with animals and they were actually partly rational wiggings, though I'm not sure they deserved the amount of rantage given to them.
Later though, when Maman got home, she confrotned me about a similar issue, only it was, "Toby got into a pack of gum you had lying around, didn't he?" It was a fucking stick of gum, thank you very much, and I had left it around.
So, the wigging doesn't bother me. Much (I still think she overreacted).
What bothers me is that she told Maman about it.
she does that a lot. two years ago she was staying with me, and i had a Moment in which I cried all over everything and spilled a lot to her, totally trusting. Maman and Dad get home and the next thing I know Maman's asking me about it. If I do something wrong--not something like swearing, really, but if I'm not organized or, like I did once when Maman and Dad were out of town not long before Granny's death, I'm emotionally eating everything in the house--Auntie tells Maman--without telling me she'll tell Maman, or giving me any clue it's Serious enough to let Maman know.
Damn it! I fucking trusted her, and she blabs all this stuff to my mother! And I tried to ignore it--Auntie's really cool and stuff, and generally open-minded, and I feel like I can tell her things. I know she can be a manipulative bitch sometimes, but I always thought she was pretty cool around me, all, "you can trust me" and shit. I mean, she's cried in front of me before, over something serious, and she's a bit like I am when it comes to crying in front of people--Don't Do It!
And here she is, telling everything to Maman, from what's on my floor to how I fucking feel! Look, if I wanted Maman to know, I would fucking tell her! Not you! Me! Me! Me!
...
Oh, God. I'm such a mess. It's just...I'm tired of people I trust betraying me. It hurts. I value loyalty, trust, over everything. It's one of my strongest values.
And to trust someone, to really trust them...it's one of the strongest bond I can possibly have with a person. I had that totaly trust with Granny. I have it with MormonBestFriend and (mostly) with HorseLoverBestFriend. And that's about it. There are others who I trust to some degree, but to totally trust someone--and to know that they trust you in return--that is one of the most intimate things I can have with someone, regardless of its lack of physicality.
And here I am, letting this woman get away with all this crap. Telling Maman things she doesn't need to know or I don't want her to know.
I hate her.
Maybe things will look better in the morning.
Swimming this afternoon--time trials still--was interesting. Fun, as always. I did fairly well in 50 breast though the board was screwed up so I'm not sure how well. 200 IM was a laugh, and I think the 100 Free was the slowest 100 Free time that I've ever had timed.
...
I feel rather proud, actually. Which makes me question my sanity. But still.
It was a good afternoon, and a decent evening, until Auntie showed up. Then it went down the drain quickly. Dammit.
quote of the post: "you...fascinate me." --miles massey (george clooney, in real life), intolerable cruelty
Toby was chewing on the extension cords in my room so I gave him various objects of my person--an old toothbrush, an old wallet, a broken stereo cord, my comb (which I don't use; I use hairbrushes (and combs wash anyway, it's), so it's not really a problem, but still) to chew on. He also attempted to chew on my old security blanket (which resides in a Place of Honor across the back of my futon) and did chew on another blanket of mine, one of those two-sided fleece ones that I love and that my aunt (not Auntie, Maman's brother's wife) made.
But, as you well know, my room is still in a slight shambles as I'm constantly moving stuff in and out, and there are a few wrappers on the ground. And as I am a gum addict, the gum wrappers were in the trash, but they manage to scatter as my trash lacks a lid. And there was an unchewed piece of Stride--and Toby got ahold of it. Naturally, it was while Auntie was in the room. Gum is Not Good for dogs, and she wigged out mildly at me. She also got pissed that she found a hershey bar wrapper--devoid of chocolate-- next to my trash can, which needs to be emptied and lacks a fucking lid! I empty my trash every day at the end of the day, so that's when I pick up what scatters out with the breeze.
It doesn't particularily bother me that she wigged--Auntie's overly in love with animals and they were actually partly rational wiggings, though I'm not sure they deserved the amount of rantage given to them.
Later though, when Maman got home, she confrotned me about a similar issue, only it was, "Toby got into a pack of gum you had lying around, didn't he?" It was a fucking stick of gum, thank you very much, and I had left it around.
So, the wigging doesn't bother me. Much (I still think she overreacted).
What bothers me is that she told Maman about it.
she does that a lot. two years ago she was staying with me, and i had a Moment in which I cried all over everything and spilled a lot to her, totally trusting. Maman and Dad get home and the next thing I know Maman's asking me about it. If I do something wrong--not something like swearing, really, but if I'm not organized or, like I did once when Maman and Dad were out of town not long before Granny's death, I'm emotionally eating everything in the house--Auntie tells Maman--without telling me she'll tell Maman, or giving me any clue it's Serious enough to let Maman know.
Damn it! I fucking trusted her, and she blabs all this stuff to my mother! And I tried to ignore it--Auntie's really cool and stuff, and generally open-minded, and I feel like I can tell her things. I know she can be a manipulative bitch sometimes, but I always thought she was pretty cool around me, all, "you can trust me" and shit. I mean, she's cried in front of me before, over something serious, and she's a bit like I am when it comes to crying in front of people--Don't Do It!
And here she is, telling everything to Maman, from what's on my floor to how I fucking feel! Look, if I wanted Maman to know, I would fucking tell her! Not you! Me! Me! Me!
...
Oh, God. I'm such a mess. It's just...I'm tired of people I trust betraying me. It hurts. I value loyalty, trust, over everything. It's one of my strongest values.
And to trust someone, to really trust them...it's one of the strongest bond I can possibly have with a person. I had that totaly trust with Granny. I have it with MormonBestFriend and (mostly) with HorseLoverBestFriend. And that's about it. There are others who I trust to some degree, but to totally trust someone--and to know that they trust you in return--that is one of the most intimate things I can have with someone, regardless of its lack of physicality.
And here I am, letting this woman get away with all this crap. Telling Maman things she doesn't need to know or I don't want her to know.
I hate her.
Maybe things will look better in the morning.
Swimming this afternoon--time trials still--was interesting. Fun, as always. I did fairly well in 50 breast though the board was screwed up so I'm not sure how well. 200 IM was a laugh, and I think the 100 Free was the slowest 100 Free time that I've ever had timed.
...
I feel rather proud, actually. Which makes me question my sanity. But still.
It was a good afternoon, and a decent evening, until Auntie showed up. Then it went down the drain quickly. Dammit.
quote of the post: "you...fascinate me." --miles massey (george clooney, in real life), intolerable cruelty
