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so today I went to my cousin's confimation at my old church.
Now, before I say anything else, I went to my old church for ten years. When we started going there, there were about 25 people in the whole church. It grew some, and when I started kindergarten sunday school, there were five people in my class. I was confirmed with 131 other suburbian eighth-graders, and now, three years later, my cousin was in a class of nearly two hundred and the congregation is pushing 10,000 members.
Anyway, because we started when the church was so small, we got to know the pastors really well. Granted, I haven't seen any of the official pastors in years, but I ran into one right away and he didn't recognize me. I wasn't particularly disappointed, as I don't look like I did three years ago, and he does have 10,000 people to take care of, and I'm not one of them, but I was surprised, a little. We were in a small group with him. He called me by name every time he saw me from when I was four to when I was fourteen. It just felt odd, you know?
And then I got into the church, and the sanctuary was packed, and I was right next to this pretty little courtyard that I couldn't go into because I had to be there and I jsut couldn't stand it. I got claustrophobic and had a panic attack right there. I can't be comfortable in that church--it was that way for the last year or so I was there, and that hasn't changed at all. I'm just depressed at how everything's changing--that church really was a place of sanctuary for me for a long time, and I miss it when it was small. Now, I'm glad I'm at my other church, though--it's the perfect size and all, but still. I'm pretty flexible with myself, but when it comes to things around me--physical, material things--change is hard for me. I don't like it a lot, even if it's for the better.
It was strange, though.
nebulia out.
Now, before I say anything else, I went to my old church for ten years. When we started going there, there were about 25 people in the whole church. It grew some, and when I started kindergarten sunday school, there were five people in my class. I was confirmed with 131 other suburbian eighth-graders, and now, three years later, my cousin was in a class of nearly two hundred and the congregation is pushing 10,000 members.
Anyway, because we started when the church was so small, we got to know the pastors really well. Granted, I haven't seen any of the official pastors in years, but I ran into one right away and he didn't recognize me. I wasn't particularly disappointed, as I don't look like I did three years ago, and he does have 10,000 people to take care of, and I'm not one of them, but I was surprised, a little. We were in a small group with him. He called me by name every time he saw me from when I was four to when I was fourteen. It just felt odd, you know?
And then I got into the church, and the sanctuary was packed, and I was right next to this pretty little courtyard that I couldn't go into because I had to be there and I jsut couldn't stand it. I got claustrophobic and had a panic attack right there. I can't be comfortable in that church--it was that way for the last year or so I was there, and that hasn't changed at all. I'm just depressed at how everything's changing--that church really was a place of sanctuary for me for a long time, and I miss it when it was small. Now, I'm glad I'm at my other church, though--it's the perfect size and all, but still. I'm pretty flexible with myself, but when it comes to things around me--physical, material things--change is hard for me. I don't like it a lot, even if it's for the better.
It was strange, though.
nebulia out.
