I was thinking about why my school doesn't seem to have cliques. I mean, it's such a huge establishment in high school pop culture, and so on, and so forth, et cetera et cetera, et cetera.
And so I was thinking about this, and how my school didn't seem to have any. Is my school just rare? Am I not seeing something here? I'm a cynical idealist to a fault, so I could totally be skipping over something I didn't want to see. And then, as I was walking to class, I realized how small-minded I had been. I had just been thinking about my experiences, no one else's, and that was definitely me lost in my little bubble. As Agnes says, I am an island. One of those little undiscovered volacnic ones 1000 miles away from anything else in the Pacific.
Because there are cliques at my school. I just belong to several of them. Or, more accurately, I edge several of them.
There's me, MBF, and HLBF. Like many groups of best friends, we are a tiny clique unto ourselves. Then I am pretty fully involved in the Anime!Gaming!Et cetera!clique, though I'm not knee-deep (I am knee-deep in manga, just not in the clique). I skirt the drama clique fairly closely; I'm a thespian, I do every play, I participate in the bake sales, IHSSA, and the drama trip, but I'm still not in the inner circle. I circle the choir clique but don't event ry to belong; I love to sing but the choir people piss me off. I know a lot of the people in the music-lover's clique but I'm not in that, either, because I'm no longer actively participating in band or orchestra (never mind that my flute is played at least once or twice a week, if not every night); I totally skip past the Popular!Smart people clique and the Sort of Popular! Smart people clique and join the very loose Nerdy!Smart people clique, which is the least organized, as Smart people always seem to be in other cliques, too.
So I really don't belong in any particular clique. Except MBF's, HLBF's, and mine. And the truth is, I realized as I was walking to class, I don't mind. I know a lot of people. Some of them I don't like, some of them I do, some of them I don't really give a shit either way about...and it's good. Because there are definitely other times for me to belong, and other places for me to belong. And I've been a little bit of a loner; I like books too much and when I get nervous--most of the time--I babble and say stupid shit. So I don't mind. If it's a hole I'm in, I dug it myself and then jumped in, but at least it's got good books and a laptop.
speaking of good books, I highly recommend the one I'm reading now: The Shadow of the Wind, by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. A great Gothic book mystery, rather like Arturo Perez-Reverte's The Club Dumas, another one I highly recommend, especially if you like to read.
quote of the post: "and the day came when the risk it took to remain in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." --i'm not sure, but i sure love this quote.